Gimme Some Brownies

Amsterdam, The Netherlands

So... Amsterdam...

Oh there are so many things that happened this weekend that I would have never thought, in my wildest dreams, I would do.

The first night doing legal things.

Group picture in our swanky room

Doing touristy things; Heineken Brewery

Caro! One of our many boyfriend pictures

The "I AMsterdam" sign

At one of the many "coffeeshops"

Traveled with a different group this week so I'll give you a little background info...well, what I can get from spending the weekend with them.

The Girls:

Caro-- my big in theta who is probably one of the most sarcastic girls I have ever met. She's insanely laid back and is drawn to tequila shots. She has an incredibly thin figure that makes you wonder 'how the HELL did you just finish that cheeseburger, fries, milkshake, beer tower, and bagel?' You think I'm joking? No. This girl is amazing. And that's why she's my big.

Molly--bubbly, vivacious, and a boy magnet. She has a sweet voice that always sounds like she's asking a question for some reason. She has bright blue eyes and has a permanent smile stamped on her cheery face and she seems to have a different facial expression for everything, it's hilarious.

The Boys:

Tristan: Really good posture, dirty blond hair, and is probably the best dressed guy at MUDEC. He is incredibly polite, funny, mature and ...reminds me of Mr. Darcy, not gonna lie. He says jokes and then looks at you with a stoic face ...and that face in it of itself makes you burst out laughing. He's a hoot.

Brendan: Dark brown hair with Edward Cullen-ish golden eyes and light brown freckles that are scattered on his nose and under his eyes. Reserved, but not quiet. He'll throw these offhand comments that make you laugh until you feel like you got a legit ab-workout...but you just don't expect it. Swift kick in the face when it happens so you have to pay attention. He's one of those guys you have to wait a while to get to know and understand because he doesn't tell you his life story at the first 'hello'. It's refreshing.

Greg: buzz cut hair, beaming smile, and enough sarcastic remarks to last you a lifetime. You really have to pay attention or you'll end up looking at him confused and dazed while everyone around you looks at you laughing. Yea, it happened. His intelligence exudes from his pores when you first meet him and then you chuckle to yourself when you find out he's an engineering major. Of course.

Connor: Oh my god this guy is friendly. He went to school in Santa Barbara, but you already know that. He's a quadruplet but you probably know that too. He's a sweetheart and he was definitely the one who found me at the construction site in Venice so I can't really give him shit... ever.

I tried to keep the descriptions concise. Kens looked over the descriptions and gave it a head nod so I would say they're pretty accurate.

Friday-- Tristan, Brendan, Greg, Connor, and I hopped on a train to Amsterdam. Molly and Caro hadn't packed so they got on a later train. 6 hours pass. We get off the train in Amsterdam and it smells like weed. Cool. We rushed to the Marriot to drop off our bags and grab a drink with Connor's friend from 4th grade and his wife (what?!). I get into our room, 356, and I immediately jumped on what is probably the most comfortable bed, ever. Then I looked in the mirror and realized that the guys were too nice to tell me that I looked like hell. My hair didn't even look like hair anymore... it was more of a nest for all all of the damn pigeons of Amsterdam to chill in. And my face? Oh Jesus. Sweatfest '09. That's all I have to say.

So we meet Connor's long lost friend and try these fried bitterballs that were crispy on the outside but nice and cheesy on the inside with little pieces of mystery meat. yum. :)

Then we go and purchase this magical cigarette at "the Bulldog" and go into this discotech where we take a couple puffs. Tristan and Brendan had given me info sessions about what I should do and how I should do it. They also said that I wouldn't get high the first time...so I huffed and puffed and I started to laugh. The skin under my eyes felt puffy and all I could do was smile. My face was permanently smiling and I couldn't do anything about it! So I stood there awkwardly in a club laughing at nothing and being the most awkward person ever.

Molly and Carolyn arrive. They have a couple puffs of this magical cigarette and we all stand there laughing hugging. The rest of the night is a blur because I got thirsty and decided to drink champagne and straight gin.

Day two.

I wake up refreshed and happy as ever. I roll over to see Caro and Molly bouncing off the walls--they're morning people and I'm not. We all get ready, grab coffee, and go to the Pancake Corner where we stuff our faces with all sorts of delicious things. Then we decide to venture off to the "I AMsterdam" sign and smoke in the beautiful park. Puff Puff. We're ready for the Van Gogh Museum.

OH MY GOD Van Gogh is a genius and if I could have little Van Gogh babies, I would. I don't even know how long I was in the museum but it seemed like five seconds. There is a part in Mary Poppins where the kids jump into a chalk painting... that's how I felt. Youtube it. There was one painting that I remember standing in front of for a while and there was a woman at the end of the road who offered to take me in to her house and give me a slice of pumpkin pie. I'm not joking. And I just remember reaching out to the painting to take the woman's hand and being ferociously grabbed by a security guard who was yelling at me in some foreign language... but all of her words were combined into one long blur. Oh man I love Van Gogh. I love Van Gogh so much that I bought a poster when I was ...not in the right state of mind. I kept thinking " Oh it's so pretty, I could stare at this forever and ever and ever and ever...". Funny thing is, five hours later when I looked down at my hand, I had no idea which poster I had bought.

Brendan, Caro, Greg, Connor, and Molly decided to go on the Heineken Brewery tour after eating a couple really special brownies while I chose to go with Tristan to stuff my face with the most delicious BLT and apple pie with butterscotch ice cream. I almost died from happiness.

Fast forward a couple hours. We're in the red light district.

There were alleys upon alleys of glass doors that had brilliantly neon red lights bordering each and every door. The women would stand there in their lace/bikini/lingerie trying to seduce the men into sleeping with them. Some of them were straight out a magazine...and the others? Well, lets just say that they looked like could have been named Stephen or Stephanie. I couldn't help but stare at them and want to take them home to make them a nice home cooked meal. I don't know. Then there were the girls who had lines of men waiting for them outside their door. Literally, lines of men. Really? I feel like if I went after someone, I would bring a nice bottle of Mr. Clean with me and some sanitation wipes. These girls had been sexed. Sexed to a point of no return. I was just speechless.

..............

Then we made a group decision to attend a sex show. Yes. A sex show. It was more like a magic show... but I'll get to that later. I don't know what we were thinking but our logical reasoning was "we could never do this in America"... what were we thinking???

So we all pay this sketchy man standing on a corner and walk into this janky theater with a mural of multiple men, women, and animals having sex in multiple positions on the walls. The stage was about the size of a pool table and the curtains were a light lavender sprinkled with glitter. Classy. The crowd? People of all sorts. Wives, creepy old men, and college students. I kept thinking to myself "what are you doing here? HOW did that woman just do that? Is her leg really supposed to move like that? Did a glow-in-the-dark string REALLY just magically come out of her vagina?" And yes. These magicians pulled all sorts of items (another one? handkerchief.) from their vag and I really felt like I was watching Chriss Angel than a sex show. I have never in my life had a desire to do drugs... but that moment in time, I was SO glad that I was under the influence. On that note, I would like to explain that 1) no I'm not a drug addict now 2) I'm not smoking when i come back home. Why? Because it's done and over with. I always wanted to test the waters but now that I've tried it, I have no desire to spend my money on something that makes me more awkward than I already am. No thank you sir, I can do that all on my own.

Sunday? Went to the Anne Frank House.

SO glad to walk around and have it smell like fresh air instead of weed.

I'm hungry. Lake Como this weekend and Berlin next weekend! :)

J.